Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Up A Creek

Every time I think about it my heart begins to beat faster. Especially when it's gonna happen soon and the place is relatively close. Oooohh  I'm  very excited to go there again, even more thrilled to take you with me. What? What do you mean..... you don't want to go? COME ON, please come, I need you to help me get through this ugly empty nest rut. I'll try to make it fun, even without the use of a disco stick. Haha,  Don't make me put a lead rope around your neck!  Now picture this, there's this BIG old sod with vast expanding acreage. Perfectly placed are various soft hairlike grass spots dotted by large protruding shade trees. As your eyes glance over this shapely emerald body, you'll wonder if the jumps are real or are they fake? The urge to touch them will take over. Your body will get into the groove by allowing the sway of a Rocking Horse to take command. Over powering curiosity  will jostle your junk and before you, I and let's face it... we all know it, you'll be off! Running like a horse, exploring, meandering around, chewing on grass.  It's expected that first timers might find this all very intimidating. It sort of equals the experience, Alice went through when she dropped in on Wonderland.  As a matter of fact, memory of my first spectator show makes me want to ralph! You see, the hill made my legs tremble, they weakened more and more with each clamoring beat of pounding power that was heading our way. I locked up. Seized, as if I had stepped on a sword. Stood there frozen like a mouse about to be trampled! About to be pounced on by an overbearing pussy. Panic set in as my eyes met his. He sucked up one hell of a big breath.  Holy shit which way do I run? "Stay where you are!" the loud man standing with a horse between his legs, bellowed! Oh fuck and Good God I hope I don't cause this situation to turn into a complete disaster, bad thoughts were piercing my head. Immediately,  I turned off my "deer in the headlight eyes" and looked down. No way was I gonna give reason for that horse to spook, shy away and start acting like someone else's horse. Obviously this rider had been up a creek, like this before. He handled the situation, easy~calm with a  fly over,  like he had just jumped a dummy. For crying out loud........WATCH OUT!  Right? We could hear people bitching in the distance, then the stomping thunder became louder and louder. The sound of the hoof beat takes over your heart.  In no time, just like that.... they are upon you.  Clickety clack ~clop, Clickety clack~ clop, the earth will  move! It will be fast! They'll come pounding, breathing hard, wasting no time covering ground. Sweat rolls off, horse nostrils flare while the rider steers, focused on guiding them to their finial destination. They know when to push and how to drive. Timing is crucial....POP they're over it and whoosh they will blast by.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

An attempt at constructing some extra equine intrique

Let's see, what shall this first blog be about?   My trimmed fingernails are tapping while my eyeballs are rolling towards where the answers are...the sky. Ah ha! I got it! This blog should be about my mission.It's the meaning behind our affair. It has to be the reason for this rendezvous. Let's call it a "calling" or an attempt at constructing some extra equine intrigue. This blog's responsibility will be to bring more awareness and stronger notoriety to the Ultimate HORSE SPORT OF EVENTING! Everyone that does it works way to hard for the majority of the world not to notice.  I don't really know how to bring the kind of recognition this sport deserves, short of posing for Playboy magazine, which is OUT! It's not a bad idea, I just can't get my daughter to agree. You see, I'm not the one that rides it's her. She's the one busting her ass, riding and training these thousand pound monsters. On the plus side, she can now eat what ever, when ever (there's time) she wants . Hot fudge Sundae, no problem, the 400 bails of hay waiting to be stacked will  melt away any dae pounds, any day. You see she's 20, has an older twin brother, a  two year older sister and is a complete crazy person. Have you heard of the drug called "horse" sometimes one whiff and you are hooked. She has gotten herself completely hitched to tacking up and riding off. Clearly you should know that  her "riding off" isn't just some butt sniffing, trail riding, horsey train. It's down to earth dangerous! Eventing is unrivaled! It's  matchless, brutally hard, terribly frustrating, soaked with elitism and extremely expensive. The cost of this sport is high because it lumps three totally different equine disciplines (dressage, cross-country and show jumping) into one significant equestrian event. It's also know as the triathlon of equine sports. Since there are three different phases, that means three different outfits, three different saddles and don't forget lessons on three different ways of riding. Thank GOD it's not three different horses!  Speaking of horses, these mounts need to be the same quality horse that you would want if you were back in a Civil War battle. They need to be adventurous, extremely fit, brave and undaunted, military quality. In the end the winner of the eventing competition is the pair with the lowest score. First, the rider and horse that impressed a judge with the best dressage moves, goes into the number one position. Second phase known as cross-country, the pair must not have any stops, balks or refusals (20 penalty points for each) or time penalties while galloping across the ground, over logs, splashing through water, over ditches and various fences. If a rider/horse pair is going to get eliminated it's in this phase, that it is most likely to happen.  Rule is, if you have more than five stops total or three at one particular jump, you'll be whistled at and told to stop. You must then walk off, you're out. Challenge is to walk off  without bawling your eyes out. My heart hurts for the rider every time. Third, which is the last stage of eventing is the show jumping phase. Here is where the riders see just how fit their horses really are. Can they still lift up their legs and not knock any rails down? All riders do the same pattern of jumps which includes various questions. Rider must know how many strides it's gonna take their horse to get to the next jump. Jumps are embellished with bright colors, flowers and pizazz, in the attempt to test their courage. Another four unwanted penalty points for rails knocked down and any time faults for being to slow are then added. The pair with the lowest score wins!  Numerous times her goal has just make it through.

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I hold my breath and hang on tight, every time they gallop across the country. Mother of an EVENTER